Dealing With The Hardest Things In Life

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Forgiveness
At one time, it was really difficult for me to forgive someone who had wronged me. I always held people to high standards and wanted my friends to be the kind of friend to me that I was to them. If things didn't work out, I would simply take that person out of the equation and keep moving forward. Needless to say, by removing every imperfect person in your life, you eventually find yourself very lonely.  However, as I get older, God challenges me by placing people in my path that I cannot simply remove- I'm forced to deal with them. So in a nutshell, having the ability to forgive comes with growth. No one is perfect, including myself. I started to lower my standards for people in my life and I stopped expecting them to behave and respond to things as I would. I no longer throw away relationships because someone makes a mistake because no one is the same person all of the time. People tend to act out of character depending on what they are going through in life. At present, I try my best to forgive and move on and that has allowed me to have more stable and longer lasting relationships.

Adaptability
Just when I thought I was becoming a "big girl" as I got this forgiveness thing down, I realized something else was keeping me from growing. Change. My Chinese astrological element is water. In other words, I can take the shape of any container that I'm poured into. I think this is a good way to be, but it isn't always the case with me. Sometimes I am so stubborn that I refuse to go along with the new...whatever it may be. What I'm doing is causing myself a headache by not having adaptability. Sure, it's easy to adapt to changes at work, but not always in your personal life. Especially for people, like myself, who must have complete control over their surroundings and like to have everything planned out to a T, this can be challenging. I've found that having adaptability is so much easier and being stubborn requires so much energy.
 

Acceptance
After I stopped being so stubborn and adapted to change, I had to start accepting new things. Believe me when I say that this is the hardest thing in life. Acceptance began when I realized that I had no control over the transitions- so I started to submit. At first, I was accepting the shifts...but with a slight attitude; therefore, I knew my growth process needed work. After there was full acceptance over change in my life, I knew because of the inner peace that engulfed me. Things didn't bother me as much and smiling didn't take much effort at all. Sure there are good days and bad; the bad mostly come from me over thinking things. During these times, I find ways to occupy my mind- so I get busy with something constructive and just fully surrender to the new additions and allow peace to take over. I surprise myself.

A Holiday Favorite: Sweet, Southern-Style Deviled Eggs

Here is one of the first dishes I learned to make as a child and it is still one of my favorites during the holidays- or anytime rather. Deviled eggs are always the first to disappear because no one can eat just one. There are many, many variations of this recipe, but I like to keep it simple. I hope you enjoy.

Ingredients:
8 hard boiled eggs
2 tbsp. mayonnaise or Miracle Whip
1-2 tsp. mustard
1-2 tsp. sweet relish
approx. 1/2 tsp. sugar
approx. 1/2 tsp. vinegar
paprika

Peel then cut eggs lengthwise. Remove the yolks and place in a bowl; then mix in mayo, mustard, relish, sugar, and vinegar until you achieve a medium consistency. Spoon the mixture into the egg white cups then use the paprika to garnish.

Eat up!

If Divorce Looms, Should You Be Ready?

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As I write this post, my husband is sitting beside me shaking his head. I love my husband dearly. I think he is the greatest guy. He's not perfect, but yet he's perfect for me. Still, I know things can happen in a marriage that will cause things to go sour, like people growing apart and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, if divorce comes for my marriage, I'll be ready. You should, too. While there are lots of things to prepare for, consider these two ideas:

Divorce Planner...Say What?

Wait, there's a such thing as a divorce planner? Who knew?! Why yes, if there's a wedding planner then there also must be a divorce planner. This advisor not only informs you on the legalities of the process but helps you to get your finances in order. This person can also assist in pointing you in the right direction as far as getting the emotional help you may need. No one plans to get a divorce while saying their nuptials, but should it come to that, seeking a divorce planner might make the painful transition go a little smoother.

(If you are wondering, yes, my husband is still shaking his head.)

Divorce Discounts? Sign Me up!
When a woman has been married a while and has had kids, it's not as easy for her to get back onto the market as her counterpart. Her body is not as marketable at 45 compared to when she was 25. A middle aged man can divorce and get back out there easily, and if he has money, he may even be lucky enough to get a "pretty young thang." Anyway, nowadays, plastic surgeons are offering divorce discount packages. Geniuses! I wouldn't consider getting plastic surgery under any other circumstance but this one because drastic times cause for drastic measures. I think a little nip and tuck in the right places is exactly what a woman needs to feel confident enough to step back out there...and maybe nab husband number two. 

Okay, okay. Maybe I'm going a little overboard by over thinking this. I hope it will never come to this in my marriage, and if it does, I probably won't want to spend the money on a fancy divorce planner or a fancy plastic surgeon, even though some people do. Now enough talk about divorce, it's time to go snuggle up with the hubby.

Sports & Relationships: A Woman’s Solution for Game Day

1. How can I be a part of the football experience without annoying him?
Only ask questions about the game during the commercials; and if you still don’t get it, just pretend and smile. You can ask again on another day.

2. How do I tell him that I prefer the other team?
Wear the other team’s jersey or make sly remarks about how cute the opposing team’s players are. Either way, he won’t like it. 

3. How can I get my guy’s attention when he’s watching sports?
Food and sex are two sure things to get a man’s attention because both are necessities. Cook his favorite dish and wear something revealing when you bring it to him. Simple.

4. My guy is so serious when he is watching the game, how do I get him to loosen up?
Make up a silly cheer to perform whenever one team scores and end it with a split. Try to get him to laugh a little.

5. How do I tell him that I don’t want to attend the super bowl party?
You don’t have to say anything. Just sneak out when you’re ready because he probably won’t notice or won’t care.

Fun With Flaxseeds

Many people are already aware of the many awesome benefits of flaxseeds (or linseeds), so I’m a little late getting on the bandwagon. Last weekend I picked up a bag of whole, organic flaxseeds from +The Vitamin Shoppe for $4.99. They are a great source of nutrients, omega-3s, and fiber...and I’m always looking to incorporate more fiber into my diet which is great. To keep things simple, I just sprinkled some on top of my bagel with cream cheese and later added a little to my smoothie and called it a day.

Then, I decided to go a little further with the flaxseeds and make my own hair gel, which is something I’ve been wanting to try for a while. I’m not really a fan of gel, but from what I hear this homemade gel is very nourishing and moisturizing plus it leaves your hair soft and shiny. Here’s what I did: 

First, I poured ¼ cup whole flaxseeds into a knee high stocking and placed it into a small pot. Next, I added two cups of water and let it boil until the water thickened and was snot-like...and voila! (Tips: I used wooden tongs to help strain out the gooeyness from the stocking. Also, I added some oil and vitamin E to the finished product for enhanced benefit.) So far, I'm very pleased with my new hair product.

 cc by 2.0 image courtesy of AlishaV on Flickr

More questions about flaxseeds? Have any ideas about other ways to use them? Just leave your comments below.

Waiting For Mr. Right

How Do I Know If He’s The Right One for Me?

Simply put- you don’t. My girlfriend asked me this recently. She’s in her mid-30s…no husband, no kids, and desperately looking to change that. She has really high standards and believes this is the reason why she hasn’t been able to keep a long-term boyfriend. Of course, I told her that having high standards is a good thing, but not too high because she has to be realistic. Every person will have flaws. It’s about determining whose flaws you can live with.

For example, I can deal with a guy who is opinionated and always thinks that he’s right, but I can’t deal with a guy who is inconsiderate and doesn’t put me first. Another example, I can handle it when a man has had lots of past girlfriends, but I can’t handle a man who has had lots of children with those past girlfriends.

Furthermore, I told her that she shouldn’t have to feel as though she’s “settling.” Therefore, I suggested that she make a list of the things that are definitely deal breakers. Then, make a list of things that she is more flexible with and willing to compromise. Piece of Cake.

How Do I Know When Marriage Is The Right Step?

Well, Mr. Perfect does not exist, so don’t look for him; but after you have found someone that you believe is the “right one,” be sure to make the decision regarding marriage with your heart AND mind. Using only one or the other can be disastrous. Don’t be that person who is so head over heels in love that they can’t see the train wreck right in front of them. Also, on the other hand, don’t be that over meticulous person that blueprints every detail of their future because you may wind up with someone who fits perfectly into your plan, but if the love is nonexistent then the train wreck will head your direction soon.

Like I told my friend: you’ll know who and you’ll know when. Just be smart and pragmatic while following your heart.

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Favorite Foreign Films

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Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a love for foreign films. It's one of my favorite pastimes because I love exploring different storytelling techniques. It can be quite a refreshing change of pace from the Hollywood style. Below is my list of must-sees. I understand some people don’t like subtitled movies because it can be tiresome on the eyes, but if you are like me and don’t mind, check out my list. These are just SOME of my favorites. Some were based on a true event, a novel or comic book. Hope you enjoy!

Partir, a drama about a well to do married woman who falls for the handyman and is willing to give up everything to be with him.

Korkoro, a film about a Romani family who escaped the Nazis.

The Intouchables, a comedy-drama about an ex-con hired to take care of a quadriplegic. 

Tell No One, a thriller based on a novel about a man who was the primary suspect of his wife’s murder and eight years later is the main suspect again when two corpses are found in the same spot that his wife was found.

The Heir Apparent: Largo Winch, based on a Belgian comic book about a wealthy murdered man’s adoptive son who is on a mission to find his father’s killers and stop them from taking over his empire.

A French Gigolo, a film about a married construction worker leading a double life as a male prostitute serving rich ladies. 

The Princess of Montpensier, a romance film about a woman forced into marriage while passionately in love with another man.

The Well-Digger's Daughter, a drama about a man who is torn between the honor of his family and the love of his daughter when she gets pregnant by a wealthy man’s son.

He Loves Me...He Loves Me Not, a psychological drama about an art student’s dangerous obsession with a married cardiologist.

Take My Eyes, a story about domestic violence stemming from a husband’s insecurities.

Volver, a drama about a working-class woman forced to go to great lengths to protect her daughter; meanwhile, her mother comes back from the dead to tie up loose ends. 

Broken Embraces, a romantic thriller about a blind screenwriter who recalls his tragic love for a deceased lead actress who was the mistress of an obsessive, powerful businessman.  

Starbuck, a comedy about a man who fathers 533 children through a sperm bank.

The Umbrella Woman/ The Good Wife, a drama about a bored, undersexed housewife.

The Sapphires, a comedy-drama about a female singing group that traveled to Vietnam in 1968 to sing for the troops.

Tsotsi, a film about a street thug who cares for a baby that was in the backseat of a car he had stolen. 

A Separation, a story about how everyone is affected by the separation of one couple.

Ip Man 1 & 2, a martial arts film loosely based on the life of Yip Man, a grandmaster of the martial art Wing Chun and master of Bruce Lee.

   

Deep Crimson, a crime film about The Lonely Hearts Killers of the 1940s. 

King of Devil's Island, a film about the uprising at Bastoy Prison for youth.